Your body craves familiar chemicals, it’s addicted to what you’ve given it for decades and will resist like a toddler throwing a fit in Kmart when you start to grow and change your biology.
So if you’re an angry person, or scared of everything, or even super enthusiastic (in a fake way, masking sadness, guilt or feelings of inadequacy), your body is used to the chemical cocktail that you produce when you FEEL those emotions..
Every time you focus on the things that make you feel those negative emotions, there’s a little gland in your brain that mixes up the exact chemicals that were produced when the original event happened and you decided what to believe. eg. Sexual abuse, body shaming, abandonment, emotional manipulation, beatings, a ‘feeder’ parent, etc.
Your past is a prediction of your future. This is SO powerful. If you don’t change your thinking you cannot change your behaviour. No one likes being angry, fearful, sad, guilty or hurt. You wouldn’t consciously choose to stay like that, unless you didn’t know there was a way to get rid of those destructive beliefs and the addiction your body has to your physical reaction. Or would you?
The key is that you actually DID (and do) choose this, your decision to protect yourself by being angry, fearful, anxious, sad or over enthusiastic was/is very conscious. You decided that, for example, ‘if I am really angry people will leave me alone’, or ‘I’ll get my own way’, or ‘I won’t have to do anything I don’t want to do’..
Part of you knows you GAIN something from staying angry/sad/fearful/hurt/guilty. It’s our protection mechanism, and however harmful, that’s exactly what we are all wired to do.
We think that our deepest fears, (the things that keep us up at night, or lead us to addictions, loneliness, erratic behaviour, people pleasing, burnout etc), are insurmountable and unhealable, or that we’ll be judged, ridiculed, or humiliated by bringing them to light.
I can tell you right now it’s the complete opposite. HOLDING ON WILL KILL YOU. And it will keep you small, sad and unfulfilled, no matter how much you insist you’re just fine. What do you think those chemicals are doing to your body, your heart, your other vital organs? And another fun fact: what you don’t heal in yourself you’ll hand to your children..
It’s important to note that you get to stay angry, sad, fearful, depressed, addicted, lonely or whatever is that you’re using to cope. No one can make you want to change that. It’s yours to hold on to if it’s working for you.
Or you can let it go. You can flick a switch in your beautiful brain and make new, much yummier, cocktails, with no hangovers and no going back to old patterns. How’s that sound to you?
We think we are protecting ourselves by staying the same. My question is, what’s it really costing you?
If you can 'worry yourself sick', wouldn't it make sense that you can also 'think yourself well'?
A feeling is always produced by a thought, so pay attention to what's on your mind. If you notice you're feeling upset remember that your state of distress, anger, or fear is putting a strain on your system. Think about what action you can take to eliminate the things that are causing you to be upset. If you aren't sure, reach out for help.
