After coaching 100 people in the last 6 months of 2018 I was struck by the common cord they all shared.
Two potent and lethal beliefs, deeply ingrained in their mind and body, dictating their choices, forming the way they experience the world.
* I’m not good enough
* I don’t deserve ‘it’ - with ‘it’ varying from love, acceptance, peace of mind, a loving safe relationship, financial security, a healthy body, friends, a rewarding job, respect, and even parenthood.
And these beliefs do not discriminate. This is from a pool of people ranging from Uni students to high profile executives and everything in between, both sexes, all ages.
On further questioning it became evident that these limits we place on ourselves come largely from our youth, when any number of circumstantial and environmental influences have us making a decision with a very limited amount of Emotional Intelligence.
Between the ages of 0 to 7 our Reasoning Mind hasn’t kicked in, so we do not question what is said to us or about us, and we take words, actions and situations that happen, and decide what that means from a place of immaturity, innocence and warped reality.
We are little, scared, confused and hurt. How could we possibly construct anything other than agreement when our own parents for example say or do mean things repeatedly, or siblings berate us, someone hurts us in unimaginable ways, we are bullied by family or school ‘friends’?
You made those decisions to believe what you believe about yourself and the world around you. It’s likely there was no loving, conscious/aware adult around to notice and tell you it was rubbish, and support or protect you, and make you believe otherwise.
Since childhood those beliefs you so fiercely protect, (because your conscious mind thinks that by hanging onto them it’s protecting you from further harm), have actually kept you trapped in cycles of poor choices, fears, loneliness, addictions, unsafe behavior, abuse or even just not pursuing a fulfilling life.
Why is someone else worth loving, allowed to be happy, and have safety, health, fulfillment and peace of mind, and you’re not?
There’s a little ‘you’ inside just waiting for you to tell them something different to what they’ve believed all along.
You wouldn’t treat someone you love the way you were treated, you wouldn’t say or do the same horrible things to your children or nieces/nephews, and you certainly wouldn’t let them believe some of the crap that you’ve believed all this time.
Be the person you needed when you were younger..
If you're feeling unsupported, check first that you are actually supporting yourself. Sometimes we forget that we can do that..
If you are ready to tackle it head on, and you know it’s going to take more than reading a book to get it done, look at doing group work or one on one coaching. #30dayswithjustine or #findingbalance are great containers for you to learn so much more about yourself in a fun, safe environment with other people on the same journey.
You deserve 'it' .. and when you believe that, my goodness how your world will change!