Unless someone is ready to take responsibility for their well-being, you are wasting your time, energy, love and money..
You can listen, rescue, advise and/or finance. And they will let you as long as you are willing to.. and nothing will change.
And six months, 2 years.. longer even, they are still making the same choices, using the same excuses, telling you they are still broke, blaming the same people or situations, still with the same partner they've been complaining about all this time, still overweight and unhealthy, still at the same job they hate, still addicted, still..
And you will feel frustrated, possibly guilty (yes some of us feel guilty because 'if WE were good enough, doing enough, surely they would get/be better'), and you may even notice an underlying feeling of resentment growing inside you.
Here's the clincher.. if you dare question them, why they aren't taking more/different action, why they are still choosing to believe they have no power to change, why they aren't making better choices with money/food/addictions/relationships etc, look out.. because they will lash out at YOU.
You'll get..
How could you?
You don't understand!
Why are you doing this to me!
It's not my fault!
You think you're better than me!
Just go and leave me then
I can't believe you're questioning me!
This part is SO important .. you are only giving the support and love to them that you know YOU'D need, and respond to, if you were in their situation. You are giving them the things that would make YOU take action to change your life, and that my friend is wonderful, it's just misdirected because that's keeping them in their pattern..
The difference is, you would use that same support to take 100% responsibility for your life and run with it. You'd start to make better choices, chase happiness, change your behaviors and fight for your health, safety, well-being, and peace of mind like your life depended on it!
Some people you choose to help will embrace that support, make changes and take responsibility. Others will not.
Still be you, be loving, be supportive, give the same energy, AND be clear in your own mind where your boundaries are.
Decide how long you are prepared to listen, finance, empathize and counsel.. or, keep trying to fix them.
And if you 'can't' stop trying to help someone like that, just watch out for the broken pieces.. because you're in their pattern, and you're choosing that just as much as they are choosing theirs..
Addiction is the only prison where the locks are on the inside. You can be just as committed to alcohol, drugs or gambling as you can to toxic relationships, abuse and self harm.
You must be willing to let go of your attachment to fixing others. Only they can do the work, you are not responsible for their outcomes. The best thing you can do for yourself and for them is live fully, be the example, reach out for support, and make sure YOU'RE in balance.
They will be watching. BE someone they want to model, show them what's possible by having strong boundaries and being fierce about your own life and happiness. And if they choose to stay in the pit, be at peace with that, it's their choice.
