What if the people you’ve chosen to surround yourself with on a daily basis are those matching your limiting beliefs? ..and your beliefs about yourself and the world around you aren't that great..
Meaning they can do nothing other than deliver what your subconscious mind is expecting..
It’s confronting to realise that we have chosen our situation. And even more so when we look back and see that’s it’s been a pattern. ‘I didn’t ask for this! No one would! How dare you suggest that!’ (That was me when my coach pointed it out 17 years ago). Let me ask you this..
* Did you truly pay attention to the Red Flags? * Did you honour your ‘not-negotiables’ and stop things from going further when you felt uncomfortable or unaligned? * Do you HAVE a not-negotiable list? .. I didn’t..
There’s a wise saying, ‘Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry, and definitely don’t go without a list. You’ll end up with things you don’t want and forget things you did want’..
Equally, for relationships and friendships.. ‘We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry’..
If we’re not clear on what’s NOT OK (Red Flags) and we don’t know specifically what kind of person we want as a partner or friend, we tend to fall for anything, hence choosing patterns of disappointment, heartache or abuse. We make allowances for poor behaviour and we might even wonder what’s wrong with US that this keeps happening.
What if you stopped accepting just anything/anyone? What if you write down a list of not-negotiables and pay attention when you're getting to know someone? This works for friendships as well as partners. A good place to start with your list is to ask yourself what behaviors were not OK when you were with your last partner or friend. Writing this list will bring the Red Flags to the front of your mind when making friends or dating someone new.
If you’re clear on the Red Flags (not-negotiables) your subconscious mind will give you a gentle nudge when a person displays something that’s not in alignment with what you want and you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache by moving on to the next person.
Another important question to ask yourself is, am I BEING the kind of friend/partner that I want to attract?
Look at your list of what you want in a friendship or relationship (yes, another list, of all the good things lol) and ask yourself ‘Am I being
healthy/honest/fun/reliable/loving/*insert things from your ‘must have’ list here..
The BEST way to attract great friends and a wonderful partner is to BE who you want to attract! Like attracts like, it’s a Universal Law!
So be hyper clear on your Red Flags so that you aren’t choosing people based on old patterns, focus on being the kind of person you want to find, and you’ll notice so many more great humans showing up for you in your life
Has your fear of being alone, or not good enough, kept you bound to people who are not good for you?
Write your Red Flag list, your 'not - negotiables', what's not OK in any relationship you have, what would make you end a friendship or connection because it's either not in alignment with your values or it's just plain nasty.
Write a list of who's in your 'circle', who your friends are, family members, your partner/s, work colleagues, whoever you hang out with regularly. Do any of them drain you, use you, disregard you, treat you less than you deserve, or try to make you feel guilty or 'less than'? Acknowledge that you've allowed that..
Knowing how great it is to be surrounded by people who respect you, your values and your choices, and knowing how awful it is when they don't, maybe it's time to reassess who you're letting into your life.